H50 Fic - What You Make of It

[shinysylver]

Title: What You Make of It
Author: shinysylver
Character/Pairing: Steve/Danny
Word Count: 2177
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own Hawaii Five-0.
Warning: none
Summary: Steve wants Danny to be happy, no matter what.
Author's Note: Written for forcellari who bought me in the help_yca charity auction. I hope you like it! Thanks to somehowunbroken for being an awesome comma wrangling beta.



Steve tried to distract himself by fiddling with the radio, but every single station was on commercials and at least three of them were advertising Waiola Shave Ice. It was disconcerting to hear Kamekona's overly cheerful voice reading off a long list of flavors ranging from apple to xigua--whatever the hell that was--but eventually he gave up on actual music and slumped back in his seat, listening to the commercial.

He kept his eyes focused on the door of the clinic, only glancing away to check the clock every few minutes. Danny had told him to be here at ten to pick him up and it was almost eleven. Steve knew they were still here because he'd parked next to Rachel's car, but if they didn't come out soon he was going to have to call the office and rearrange his lunch meeting with the Governor.

Steve waited ten more minutes before pulling out his phone to call Chin. However, before he could dial, Danny and Rachel walked out of the clinic. He sat up straighter and leaned forward to watch as Danny walked Rachel to her car. Steve watched Danny smile as he opened the driver's side door for her. They talked for a moment before Danny leaned forward and placed his hand on Rachel's rounded tummy, giving it a kiss before she got into the car and drove away.

"Hey," Danny said, sliding into the passenger seat. "Sorry that took so long."

"Everything okay?" Steve asked as he pulled out of the parking lot. He floored the gas pedal. If he hurried he could still make it to the lunch meeting.

"Everything's great!" Danny exclaimed, his face lighting up. "You should see these new ultrasounds these days. I swear I could see every hair on Danny Jr.'s head. Lemme tell you, they were not that good when Rachel was pregnant with Grace."

"Danny Jr.?" Steve asked, forcing a smile in Danny's direction before turning back to the road.

"Yeah," Danny said, laughing happily. "Turns out you can see more than just the hair on the head. We're having a boy!"

"Congratulations!" Steve said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. He knew that Danny had been hoping for a son this time--not that he was picky as long as it was healthy--and Steve was happy for him...or at least he tried to be. "Is Rachel really going to let you name him Daniel Jr.?"

"I doubt it." Danny shrugged. "Just as long as we don't name him after her grandfather I'm good. I mean, can you imagine a child of mine named Allcott? Who does that to their children? That's what I want to know."

Danny started in on a rant about the worst names he'd encountered during his time as a cop, but Steve phased him out, nodding occasionally during his pauses. Steve hated that he couldn't just be happy for Danny, but this whole situation was so complicated and he couldn't help thinking that he was the reason. If it weren't for him Danny wouldn't just be meeting Rachel at the clinic, he'd be there with her for this whole process.

"Hey!" Danny said, poking Steve in the arm.

"What?"

"Do you realize we passed headquarters three blocks ago?" Danny asked, concern in his voice. "And I said your name twice with no response? What's going on?"

"Nothing," Steve said. He pulled into a convenience store parking lot and turned around. "Nothing at all."

**

Steve walked into the living room and set a beer down on the table next to Danny before sitting down at the other end of the couch. He turned the TV on, muting it so he didn't disturb Danny's phone call, and took a deep drink of his own beer.

"Pickles? Seriously? Isn't that a cliche?" Danny asked into the phone. Steve turned and watched as Danny laughed at whatever Rachel's response was, his eyes crinkling in the corners. "What about your back? Is that heating pad I got you helping any?"

Steve resolutely turned his eyes back to the TV, trying to focus on the headlines scrolling across the bottom of the screen and doing his best to ignore his growing sense of unease, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't suppress the feeling that he was out of place here. Somehow he'd become the third wheel in his own home. Danny's laughter was usually infectious, spreading out around him and enveloping Steve, but this time instead of inviting him to join in the joke, it was pushing Steve out.

Steve stood abruptly and left the room, walking out onto the lanai. He took a deep breath, trying to time his breathing with the crash of the waves. He didn't know what was wrong with him. Danny had picked him. Danny had come back from New Jersey and picked him. He'd been so happy then, but now...now he was starting to think that he was holding Danny back.

Danny was a family man; his children lit up his life. How was Steve supposed to give him that? Why did he even want to be with Steve in the first place? They would never have children. He would never be able to give Danny a soft, stable home-life. All he could offer was a lonely life full of work. And, most importantly, he couldn't deny how happy Danny looked when he was with Rachel. Steve could never hope to give Danny that kind of happiness.

"Babe?" Danny asked from the door. "I thought we were going to watch that movie you rented? The one with all the firefights?"

"Yeah," Steve replied. He turned around to look at Danny. "Yeah, I'll be in in a minute."

Danny frowned at him but didn't say anything, leaving Steve alone with his thoughts.

**

"Are you sure you don't want to come?" Danny asked.

"Yeah," Steve said, keeping his eyes fixed on the papers spread out on his desk. "You don't get enough time with Grace, and with all the changes going on, I'm sure she needs some attention."

"Steve," Danny said softly, so softly that Steve had to look up to make sure he was actually talking. "Grace would love for you to come."

"Next time," Steve said, forcing a smile, hoping it didn't look as stiff as it felt. "Someone has to do all this paperwork so you that you can skip out early."

Steve signed his name to a few more papers, waiting for Danny to leave, but he didn't. Instead, Danny sat down on one of the chairs in front of Steve's desk and leaned back with his arms crossed.

"So," Danny said, staring at Steve. "You going to tell me what's wrong or am I going to have to start guessing?"

"Wrong?" Steve asked. "Nothing's wrong. Not unless you mean the math in this budget request." Steve held up the paper he was looking at for Danny to see. "It's wrong."

Danny sighed. "You're really going to make me guess?"

"Grace'll wonder where you are," Steve deflected.

Danny looked at his watch. "I've got time. Now why don't you tell me why you keep walking around with your Sad Face."

"Sad Face?"

"Yeah, you know, Sad Face," Danny repeated, pulling an exaggerated face that Steve assumed was supposed to resemble his. "At first it was only when I mentioned the baby. You'd go all quiet and get that look and you know what? That was fine. I know kids are hard for you and with everything going on I just let it lie. But now you do it all the time."

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on. He hadn't wanted to have this conversation yet, but it had been selfish of him to put it off. "Danny," he started, taking a deep breath and hoping that he could get the words out. "I don't think this is working out."

"What?" Danny asked, his voice loud enough that Steve was sure that Chin and Kono could hear him. "What the hell are you talking about? What's not working out?"

"This," Steve said gesturing between Danny and himself. It was hard but he made himself look Danny in the eye as he continued. "This thing between us, we both know it can't last. It's better to end it now."

"What?" Danny said again, his voice even louder.

"You're right," Steve explained. "I'm not good with kids. I'm not a family man. You are. It'll be better this way."

"Like hell it will," Danny yelled. He stood up and pointed at Steve. "I came back for you. And then you do this?"

"Maybe you shouldn't have," Steve said, softly.

"Shouldn't have what?" Danny asked, leaning over Steve's desk.

Steve sighed. "Maybe you shouldn't have come back. Danny, I'm not blind, I see how happy you are with Rachel. I know I can never give you that, not even close, and I don't know what to--I can't--" He stopped himself, the words sticking in his throat and looked up at Danny helplessly. "Please just go get Grace."

Danny stared at him for a long time, studying his face, and it was all Steve could do not to squirm. He didn't know why Danny had to make this so hard for him. Didn't Danny understand that Steve was trying to give him a gift?

"No," Danny said quietly. "No, I don't think I will."

"What?" Steve asked, baffled.

Danny ignored him, taking out his phone and dialing. He put it to his ear and waited a moment. "Rachel? Yeah, an emergency has come up at the office. I'm going to be a little late to pick up Grace." He paused, listening. "I know I said I'd be there at five, but this really is important. Can't you just...thank you. I'll be there in about an hour, and tell Grace I'll make it up to her."

Steve watched in confusion as Danny sat back down across from him, suddenly calm, almost too calm.

"Okay, Steve, we're going to talk about this like mature adults," Danny said evenly. "Because, and here's the thing, I don't think you want to break up. I think this is some misguided attempt to be self-sacrificing. So, why don't you explain to me what is going on in that screwed up head of yours?"

"You're really not going to go get Grace?" Steve asked. In all the time he'd known Danny, Steve couldn't remember him ever giving up his time with Grace by choice. But that wasn't actually true, was it? Danny had missed his flight and stayed in Hawaii when Steve had gotten arrested, but that had been so much more important than this.

"I'll go get her as soon as we're done," Danny replied. "So the sooner you start talking, the sooner that happens."

Steve sighed and looked back down at his papers, trying to avoid Danny's all too knowing stare. "I don't know what you want from me. I don't know what you expect. I don't know why you even want to be--"

"Steve," Danny interrupted softly, "I just want you. And I'm with you because not being with you isn't an option. I tried that once and I never want to do it again. Do you understand?"

"Not really," Steve said, looking back up. "You seem so happy with Rachel lately and she can give you a real family."

Danny chuckled quietly. "Babe, the only reason why Rachel and I are getting along right now is because we aren't together. Trust me when I say this: I am with the person I want to be with, and I would appreciate it if you don't go trying to make that decision for me."

Danny got up and walked around Steve's desk to stand in front of him. Danny reached down and grasped his shoulder tightly, giving it a bit of a shake. "And I want to be very, very clear about this. You are my real family. You and Grace and Danny Jr. We're a family too. I'm sorry if I made you feel like that wasn't the case."

"You're sure?" Steve asked, his voice rough with emotion.

"Completely," Danny said leaning down and brushing his lips against Steve's forehead. "Now, are you going to come with me to pick up Grace or what?"

"Yeah," Steve said as he shuffled his papers into a haphazard stack. "I guess so."

"Good," Danny said. "Because you get to be the one to buy her an apology ice-cream to make up for being late."

"You know she isn't going to want ice-cream," Steve said, heading toward the door. "It's way too unhealthy and after your last physical--"

"I know, I know," Danny grumbled. "We'll go for one of those all natural smoothies the two of you like. Seriously, how did she end up taking after you?"

"Because I'm family?" Steve suggested hesitantly, trying it out.

Danny beamed at him, his eyes crinkling happily. "That you are, babe. That you are."