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shinysylverTitle: Fading into Beautiful Light (2/3)
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shinysylver
Part 1
Danny raised the shot glass to his lips and drained the contents quickly, ignoring the burn. He slammed the empty glass down and gestured at the bartender for another. All he wanted at the moment was to get good and drunk.
He hated that Grace had gone with Debra, but what was he supposed to do? She was Grace’s grandmother and she had every right to spend some time with her on her short trip to Hawaii. He wouldn’t have even minded if it was any other day. But they had just buried Rachel and he wanted Grace with him. Maybe that was selfish, he didn’t know.
Danny sighed. He hated Debra. He really did. She’d had the gall to tell him that he didn’t have any business raising a child, especially a little girl, because he was a man and a cop. She thought she would be a better option, but there was no way he would let her take Grace. Grace would move to England over his dead body.
Everything was getting to be too much. The funeral alone had almost been more than he could stand. If Steve hadn’t shown up—no, he wouldn’t think about Steve. He couldn’t think about Steve. Not now. Not when he’d just buried his wife.
Danny laughed bitterly. He knew that he shouldn’t think of Rachel as his wife. They had just been starting to reconcile but he couldn’t help it. She had been too important to him for too long. So much of his life was devoted to her.
He remembered when he first met her, ten years ago. He’d been a patrol cop then and if she hadn’t literally crashed into him he might still be today. She had graduated from the London School of Economics and worked on Wall Street. He was a beat cop in Weehawken. He had known then that he had to be more for her. She had made him want to be more. And so not long after they started dating he went out for detective and found out that he was damn good at it. And then a few years later she had given him Grace and he had thought his life was complete. He’d had everything he wanted.
But it didn’t last. Everything had fallen apart and they’d ended up here. Danny rubbed roughly at his eyes and downed the next shot of tequila that was placed in front of him.
After the sarin attack, he’d really thought that they could fix things. Maybe it had been naïve, but now he’d never know. He had been so excited about the idea of reunifying his family that he had pushed aside all of his doubts. He had known that the best thing for Grace was to have her parents together. And selfishly it meant that he could have Grace every day.
But no matter how excited he’d been, there had also been doubts. Doubts that he’d tried to ignore. What if it didn’t work? What if she took Grace away again? What if she reconciled with Stan? After all, nothing had really changed since the divorce. They were still the same people they were then. So how could he trust that things would be any different this time? And the worst thing was that despite his undeniable affection for her, Danny hadn’t felt the passion. Always before, their relationship had been full of fire. Whether they were making love or fighting they were never indifferent.
But since they had stopped fighting months ago everything had been lukewarm. Things had been comfortable. Nice even. But was that really enough? Danny was a man full of passion and if he didn’t feel it for the woman he loved…well, what did that mean?
“Another one!” Danny yelled to the bartender.
He didn’t want to think about this. It made him feel guilty. Rachel was dead. He shouldn’t feel guilty about not loving her enough. And he sure as hell wasn’t going to address the fact that as he’d been wheeled into the hospital gasping for breath he had been full of fear for himself, for Grace, and for Steve. In that moment he’d never even thought of Rachel at all.
He threw back the next shot. Why in the hell had he been so damned worried about what Steve would do without him and he hadn’t even thought about Rachel? He knew that he was lashing out at Steve now and that was why. He didn’t want to deal with his confusing emotions about the man because they made him feel somehow responsible for Rachel’s death. Like if he had cared more about her and less about Steve she would have lived.
He knew it was crazy but it was how he felt and it didn’t help that every time he turned around Steve was there. Steve was cooking him breakfast or trying to put Grace’s hair up in a pony tail. Steve was doing all of the things that Rachel was supposed to be doing and Danny just didn’t know how to deal with everything.
He just wished that Steve would leave him alone and give him just a little space. And yet, he couldn’t deny that he was glad Steve had shown up today. Sometimes it scared him how much he relied on Steve—how much he needed Steve.
Danny shook his head. He wasn’t ready to think about this. That was the point of the tequila. To forget. He wanted to forget Rachel’s murder and the fact that at this moment Grace was in a hotel with her grandmother—a woman who had hated him long before the divorce. But most of all he wanted to forget the way he’d leaned into Steve’s touch, the way his body needed to feel him close no matter how much his mind tried to deny it.
Danny waved at the bartender again and asked that he leave the bottle this time.
**
Steve had been all over the city at least three times. He’d searched every place he thought Danny might have gone with no luck. He’d tried his house first (where he’d found the Camaro but no Danny), then Danny’s apartment, then the office and when he hadn’t been at any of those he moved on to all of the parks, bars and restaurants that he knew Danny liked. He had called Meka’s wife and even paid Kamekona a visit but they hadn’t heard from him either. It was clear that Danny didn’t want to be found. But Steve wasn’t the type to give up.
After three hours, he had called Chin and asked him to track Danny’s cell phone only to find out it had been turned off. At that point Steve had taken to aimlessly driving around the city hoping that he would get lucky. He knew he should just go home and wait for Danny to come back but sitting and waiting wasn’t in his nature.
Besides, he couldn’t shake the feeling that Danny needed him tonight. And he had to acknowledge to himself that he needed to see Danny, to know that he was okay. He knew his partner was a strong man, but he’d lost so much recently. Matt’s betrayal and Rachel’s death were enough to break any man but add in whatever was going on with Grace and he was genuinely concerned about Danny’s state of mind.
Always before, Danny had come to Steve when he was upset. When things were going on with Grace or Matt, he’d turned to Steve and Steve had done everything he could to fix it. But this time Steve was in the dark. Danny had been pushing him away with words and actions for days now and every time he thought they were making progress something else would happen. Like today, at the funeral, Danny had accepted comfort from Steve and had seemed glad for his presence, but then he’d dashed out recklessly without so much as a glance afterwards.
Steve pulled into a parking space in front of a twenty-four hour convenience store and scrubbed tiredly at his face. He shouldn’t have left this morning. He’d known that Danny was lashing out the same way Grace was but he’d still let the words get to him. Danny was the only person--other than his sister--who could get under his skin like that.
Steve sighed. He was about to admit defeat when his cell phone rang. “McGarrett.”
“Steve.” He heard Chin’s voice on the other end. “We just intercepted a call to HPD about a drunk and disorderly who matches Danny’s description.”
Once Steve had the location from Chin he pulled out and sped toward the sleazy dive bar on the outskirts of the city and Danny.
When he got there the first thing he saw was a police car, its sirens flashing and two uniformed officers standing next to it. He parked next to the car, grabbed his badge, and headed out to talk to the officers but before he could so much as open his mouth the older of the two turned toward him.
“You must be Commander McGarrett,” he said, looking pointedly at the full dress uniform that Steve had forgotten he was wearing. “We got a call from Officer Kalakaua letting us know you’d be taking our suspect off of our hands.”
Steve made a mental note to get Kono a raise. “Where is he?”
The officer jerked his head toward the backseat of the HPD car and gestured at his partner. “Get him outta there.”
While the younger officer tried to drag an obviously belligerent Danny out of the car, the older officer turned back to Steve. “He never shuts up, does he?”
“No,” Steve replied, shaking his head. “He never does.”
“We heard what happened down at HPD,” the officer told Steve. “‘Bout his wife. Outta respect we didn’t book him so his name’s not in the system. Make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
“Thank you,” Steve said gratefully. For all the times that he’d banged his head against a blue wall he was glad that this one time it was working for him. He really hadn’t been looking forward to calling the Governor to clear Danny’s record.
“Just be glad the guy he punched doesn’t want to press charges,” the younger officer said as he pushed Danny in front of Steve and undid the handcuffs. “He’s all yours.”
“He knew he deserved it,” Danny slurred. He blinked up at Steve. “Whaddya doing here?”
“I came to get your sorry ass,” Steve replied. He grabbed Danny’s arm and half dragged, half carried him to the truck.
“I’m fine,” Danny said, shaking off Steve’s hand and leaning against the side of the truck. “I don’t need you to come out...on your white horse. You don’t even have a horse, Steven. Why don’t you have a horse? That’s not important.”
Steve watched half amused as Danny raised a finger and tried to poke him in the chest. Unfortunately his spatial reasoning was so far off that he poked him on the nose instead. Steve grabbed Danny’s hand before he could try again and maybe take out an eye in the process.
“What’s important,” Danny said, his eyes unfocused. “Is that I am not a princess. I don’t need a knight with shiny medals and fancy hats.”
“Believe me, Danno,” Steve said, shaking his head. “No one is ever going to mistake you for a princess. Now come on, Ariel, let’s get you home.”
Danny let Steve help him into the truck before asking indignantly. “Did you just call me Ariel?”
“No,” Steve lied as he got into the driver’s side.
“Good,” Danny said, “Because I’m not a princess nor a mermaid.”
“Of course not,” Steve said as he pulled out. “Mermaids actually like the water.”
“I like the water!” Danny exclaimed, flailing his hand to the side and hitting it on the window hard enough that he was probably going to be bruised in the morning.
“What were you drinking anyway?” Steve asked, hoping to curtail a rant about the ocean. “I’ve never seen you like this.”
“Tequila,” Danny replied. “Do you have any more?”
“That explains it,” Steve muttered under his breath before raising his voice to address Danny. “No, I don’t have any tequila.”
“Are you lying to me?” Danny asked suspiciously.
“Danno, even if I owned Jose Cuervo you wouldn’t be getting any more tequila tonight.”
“Stop calling me that,” Danny said.
Steve’s heart sank. He thought Danny was okay with the nickname. They’d talked about this months ago. “Danny...”
“Grace calls me that. My precious daughter calls me that. Who are you to call me that?” Danny asked. But he didn’t sound angry or accusing he sounded genuinely confused and almost desperate to understand why Steve called him Danno.
“I’m family,” Steve said firmly. “And no matter how hard you push I’m not going anywhere.”
“Pull over,” Danny demanded.
“What?” Steve asked in confusion.
Danny held a hand up to his mouth. ”I’m going to puke.”
“Oh.” Steve pulled over onto the shoulder and got out to meet Danny on the other side.
Danny was bent over retching. He was barely staying upright so Steve moved around behind him and gently held him up by his shoulders. When he was done, Steve helped him stand back up against the car and got a towel out of the back of the truck to help him clean up and to wipe away his sweat.
“There goes the record,” Danny said, his voice raspy. “Damn it Steve, I’m a mess.”
“You’re fine,” Steve reassured, even though he knew that Danny wasn’t just talking about the puke and the booze. His eyes were shining in the moonlight and he looked absolutely wrecked.
“Don’t patronize me,” Danny said, sounding much more sober than he had in the truck. “My life’s a mess.”
“What happened at the funeral?” Steve asked gently.
Danny dropped his head back against the car door. “Rachel’s mom thinks that a single father has no business raising a little girl. She thinks that Grace would be better off with her in England.”
“And you let her take Grace?” Steve asked, shocked.
“For the weekend,” Danny replied. “She’s her grandmother. Grace should spend time with her. Damn it Steve, of course I didn’t just let her take Grace.”
“Right,” Steve said a bit sheepishly. “We should get you home.”
“And where’s that?” Danny asked bitterly as he climbed back into the truck.
Steve frowned. “Danny, you know you can talk right? If you want to.”
“Talk about what Steve? The fact that the woman I loved is dead? She was going to leave Stan!” Danny punched the dashboard. “One more fucking week and she wouldn’t have even been in that house and neither would Grace. They would have been safe with me! Is that what you want to talk about? Because I’d rather not.”
Steve cut his eyes to Danny and saw that the tears he’d seen earlier had finally spilled over. “Danny...”
“Don’t,” Danny said his voice thick with emotion. “Just don’t talk.”
Steve nodded and returned his eyes to the road.
**
Danny stared out the window of the truck. He couldn’t keep the tears from running down his face but he didn’t fucking care. He could always blame it on the booze later. Besides if you couldn’t cry when your wife was brutally murdered and mother-in-law wanted to take your daughter away when could you cry?
Steve stopped at a red light and turned to stare at him again. He wished that Steve would stop it. He hated the compassion and the worry in his eyes. Steve never was able to keep his emotions out of his eyes and all of the feelings there made Danny uncomfortable.
“No,” Steve said suddenly throwing the truck into park. “I’m not going to just sit here in silence. Talk to me.”
“Now?!” Danny yelled. “In the middle of the road blocking traffic?”
Steve stared at him for a moment, turned to switch on the hazard lights, and then turned back to look at Danny. “They can go around.”
“You are insane,” Danny muttered as hysterical laughter bubbled up to mix with the tears.
“Maybe.” Steve shrugged and then reached out and grasped Danny’s shoulder.
The touch was the last straw and Danny lost what little control he had. He bent over and buried his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking. He had cried that first night but he’d been so busy trying to be strong for Grace that he hadn’t let himself since.
“I know,” Steve murmured, squeezing his shoulder.
Just like at the funeral, Danny couldn’t stop himself from leaning into Steve’s touch. He craved the contact and was just too tired to deny himself the comfort. He felt Steve shifting around and suddenly Steve’s arm wrapped around his shoulders and pulled him close.
Danny didn’t know how long they sat like that, blocking traffic, but after his tears subsided he pulled away. He couldn’t believe he had just broken down like that. He wasn’t an insecure man. He liked to think that he was fairly in tune with his emotions, but he didn’t make a habit of crying, let alone crying in another man’s arms.
He stared out the window and didn’t look at Steve when he resumed driving.
“Is it wrong,” Danny asked quietly as he watched the trees pass by out the window, “that I don’t think I was in love with her anymore? I wanted to be but I wasn’t.”
“How you feel is how you feel,” Steve answered. “It’s not right or wrong.”
“If only it was that easy,” Danny said. “But I was getting back together with her and I wasn’t in love with her. You know that day in the hospital?”
“Yeah,” Steve said.
“Well, until she called Grace, I never once thought of her. I almost died and I didn’t even think of her. I thought of Grace. I was devastated at the idea of missing Grace grow up.” Danny paused. He knew he should stop there but the alcohol was making his tongue loose. “And you.”
“Me?” Steve asked in a strangely vulnerable voice.
Danny turned to look at Steve and saw he was holding the wheel so tightly that his knuckles were white. He wanted to make a glib remark and brush everything away but he couldn’t. A lot of puzzle pieces were falling into place and he was tired of fighting it.
“Yeah,” he said. “I was laying there and all I could think was that if I died there wouldn’t be anyone around to watch your back. And Steve, that is a full time job. Overtime even.”
Danny could see a smile tugging at Steve’s lips but when he spoke he was serious. “I was terrified when I saw you go down... “
Danny’s eyes widened at the emotion in Steve’s voice.
“And then,” Steve continued, “when I realized you had Grace. I knew I had to take care of her.”
Danny’s heart ached. That was the crux of the matter. He had seen the way Steve had taken care of Grace. He’d seen the way he had dropped everything to take care of them and he was still doing it. Even now he was pushing everything aside to take care of them.
Danny leaned forward and covered Steve’s hand with his own. He wasn’t sure what he intended by it but he left his hand there and after a moment, Steve let go of the wheel and turned his hand to clasp Danny’s and squeeze it gently. Danny didn’t know what they were doing but he was done worrying about it. This felt right. More right than anything had in a long time and at the moment that was all that mattered.
When they got to Steve’s house, they sat there silently holding hands for a moment, both looking straight ahead. Danny gently squeezed Steve’s hand before dropping it to get out of the truck. Once he was on his feet, he realized that it was still hard to stay upright and he grabbed onto the truck’s door to steady himself.
“Alright there, Ariel?” Steve teased coming around and taking his arm to help him walk toward the house. “Having trouble finding your land legs?”
“That’s not going to be a thing, is it?” he groaned.
“Well you told me not to call you Danno…”
Danny squeezed Steve’s arm. “Danno’s fine.”
Steve looked down at him with that stupid puppy dog grin that made Danny’s heart swell. “Okay then.”
Danny grinned back at him. He gazed into Steve’s eyes and before he had time to think about it he leaned forward, grabbed Steve behind the neck, and pulled his head down to kiss him. He had obviously taken Steve by surprise and he just stood there, his lips still and his body tense. Danny’s heart dropped at the lack of response and he was about to pull away and blame everything on the tequila when Steve wrapped his arm around Danny’s waist, pulled him closer, and deepened the kiss.
The kiss wasn’t perfect; it was sloppy and slightly awkward because Danny wasn’t used the height difference, but he didn’t care. His heart was racing and he wanted more. He dropped one hand to caress Steve’s back trailing downward until he was cupping Steve’s ass. Steve moaned against his lips at the touch, but pulled away.
“Stop,” Steve said in a shaky voice.
“What?” Danny asked confused. He wanted more, so much more. He tried to pull Steve back down but Steve grabbed his hands and held him at a distance.
“You’re drunk and this is complicated,” Steve explained.
“I’m not that drunk,” Danny tried.
“Your breath could strip paint,” Steve said dryly. “Which is probably a good thing because it’s masking the puke. We can revisit this in the morning. If you want.”
Danny looked at Steve. He could see the insecurity hovering on his face. “Steve, the genie is out of the bottle. I don’t think it’s going back in.”
Steve smiled at him. “Just so you know I am not Barbara Eden.”
“Of course not,” Danny said following Steve into the house. “Pink is really not your color. But feel free to call me master all you want.”
**
Grace waited until her grandmother had left the room before quietly getting out of bed. She silently changed clothes, grabbed the little black purse that her dad had gotten her for the funeral, and left the room. She had to go back to the cemetery to say goodbye. She hadn’t been able to with all of the people there earlier and then her grandmother had taken her away before she could.
Grace knew where the cabs picked up on the corner near the hotel. When she got there she told the driver that she lived near the cemetery--she knew that he wouldn’t take her directly to a cemetery.
“I’m sorry kid but you need to be with an adult,” he told her.
Grace started to cry. “But I want my Mommy.”
“Hey,” the man said uncomfortably. “Don’t cry. Can’t you just call her and tell her to pick you up?”
“No!” Grace wailed she held out a twenty dollar bill from her wallet. “Please just take me to my mom.”
“Okay, kid.” He grabbed the money and opened the door for her. “But just so you can see your mom.”
**
Steve lay in bed staring at the ceiling wishing that sleep would come. He kept replaying the night’s events over and over in his head. That moment that Danny reached up and pulled him in for a kiss had been unexpected. If someone had asked him which of the two of them was more likely to make the first move he would have said himself without a doubt. But maybe it shouldn’t surprise him since Danny’s emotions always ran close to the surface and he often acted on impulse, whether it was a swift punch or a stinging verbal barrage, and dealt with the consequences later.
It was that that worried Steve. Danny acted on impulse—no matter how much he tried to play Steve off as the loose cannon—so what if he regretted it in the morning? He had been teetering on the brink for days now. Did he really want Steve or just want someone? Normally Steve wouldn’t care, his relationships were usually built around convenience, not long term commitment, but this was different. This was Danny.
Steve sighed and rolled over in the bed. It had taken nearly everything he’d had to push Danny away when all he’d wanted to do was drag him upstairs and straight into bed. But he knew that this wasn’t just a casual hook up. It would have consequences and he wanted to make sure that Danny really wanted this before he risked their partnership and friendship.
He must have eventually drifted off because he was startled awake by shouting.
“Steve!”
He bolted upright, and reached for the drawer that held his gun. He saw a shadow in his doorway so he pulled the gun out and pointed it at the door.
“Steve, put the gun down so that I come in and talk to you,” Danny called from the hallway.
Steve hesitated, his blood still pounding in his ears.
“Steve, if you don’t put that gun down right now--”
Steve set it down on the bed next to him. “It’s clear.”
Danny rushed into the room. “Grace is missing. I need you to drive me.”
“What?” Steve asked as he stood up and grabbed a pair of pants off of the floor.
“Debra called,” Danny said running his hands frantically through his hair. “She said that she got up to check on Grace and she wasn’t there. She can’t find her anywhere. And I’m still too drunk to drive. And what if something happened to her? Steve, what if I lose her too?”
“Hey,” Steve said. He walked over and grabbed Danny’s shoulder giving it a little shake. “It’s probably all a misunderstanding. We’ll find her and everything will be okay.”
Danny nodded but Steve could tell that he was teetering on the brink.
“Come on,” Steve said giving Danny a push toward the door.
The drive to the Hilton seemed to take forever. Inside Steve was frantic with worry about Grace but he couldn’t show that to Danny. Danny was barely hanging on as it was, so he put on his game face and focused on the problem at hand.
When they got to the hotel, Debra was waiting for them in the lobby in a dressing gown and slippers.
“Daniel!” She exclaimed when she saw them come in.
She rushed forward towards Danny, but Steve intercepted her. Danny might look mostly sober but he still smelled like a distillery and he didn’t think Debra would take too kindly to that. “Can you tell me what happened.”
She frowned at Steve. “Who are you?”
“I’m his partner,” Steve said placing extra emphasis on the word. “Now tell me what happened.”
“Well,” she said. “I don’t really know. Grace was upset all day. She kept saying that she went to the funeral but she didn’t have time to say goodbye. I finally got her to calm down and go to sleep but she woke up with nightmares around midnight. I tried to comfort her but she kept saying that she wanted someone named Steve.”
“That,” Danny said pointing at Steve, “is Steve. We’ve been staying with him since the murder. She’s been having nightmares every night and he’s the only one she wants to talk to about them which is one of the many things I was trying to tell you at the funeral. But you were so sure that men couldn’t possibly understand little girls and that she needed a woman right now.”
“Now’s not the time,” Steve interrupted. “What happened after the nightmare?”
“She finally seemed to calm down and so I went back to my room. When I got up again about an hour later she was gone.”
“Did she have any money?” Steve asked Debra.
Danny looked at Steve. “What are you thinking?”
“This morning when she didn’t want to go to the funeral, I told her that she needed to go to say goodbye.” Steve replied.
“You think she went back to the cemetery?” Danny asked.
Steve looked hesitantly at Danny. “It’s what I would have done at her age.”
Danny stared intently at him. “Okay, lets go to the cemetery.”
Steve turned and rushed out of the hotel, Danny and Debra hot on his heels. He barely waited until they were both in the car before he turned on the police lights and sped to the cemetery. He was sure that was where she had gone but it was the last place a little girl should be alone at night.
As he took the turns at high speeds, out of the corner of his eyes he could see that Danny was turning very green. “Don’t you get sick on me again.”
“I’m not trying to. It’s not a plan,” Danny snapped as he sat up straighter. He swallowed several times and held his hand over his mouth.
“I’m not going to pull over,” Steve said.
Danny shot him a glare. “You better not pull over.”
“What’s going on?” Debra asked from the backseat. “Daniel have you been drinking?”
“No,” Steve said at the same time that Danny said “yes.”
Steve turned to look at Danny.
Danny turned around in his seat to stare at his former mother-in-law. “Yes Debra. I buried my wife and had my ability as a parent questioned. It was a bad day. So if I went to a bar, well I’m only human.”
“And if Grace were to see you—“
“No,” Steve interrupted. “Danny is a good father. Grace would never see Danny drunk. He would never have even gone out if she was with him instead of you.”
“This is none of your business,” Debra told him icily. “It’s a family matter.”
“You’re right,” Danny said. “And since it obviously didn’t sink in earlier when Grace was asking for her Uncle Steve, Steve is family.”
Despite the situation, Steve felt a warmth spread through him at Danny’s words. After all the times that Danny had questioned his place in their lives. It was all he could do to keep an inappropriate grin off of his face. Damn he had it bad.
The rest of the ride to the cemetery was silent. Once Steve had parked in front of the gate Danny got out and rushed to the bushes to empty his stomach once again.
“Danny?” Steve asked.
“Go!” Danny waved him toward the gate.
The gate was locked and while the bars were spaced far enough apart for a young girl to slip through, Steve wouldn’t fit. Not pausing to think he jumped up, grabbed the bars, and began to pull himself up and over. He flung himself over the top and landed in a crouch on the other side.
He straightened up and took off at a run in the direction of Rachel’s grave, his eyes scanning the area. When he got near the grave he saw a small figure curled up on top of the new earth. Steve slowed to a walk.
“Grace!” he called out softly, not wanting to startle her.
Grace sat up quickly, her head turning around wildly. “Steve?”
“Here.”
Once she saw him she got up and ran to him flinging herself into his arms. “I’m sorry! I had a nightmare again and then Grandma wouldn’t let me call you and then I just wanted to see Mommy and say goodbye so I came here and then I didn’t have enough money to get back.”
“Hey, hey,” he murmured, picking her up and rubbing her back soothingly. “It’s okay. Everything's okay now.”
He turned and started walking back the way he had come carrying her. “So did you dream about the bad men again?”
“No,” she whispered. “I dreamed that Daddy was in the hospital again only this time he was hurt really bad. Like Tommy’s uncle.”
“What happened to Tommy’s uncle?” Steve asked.
“He was in a car accident and he never woke up. Tommy said that he visited him in the hospital and there were tubes everywhere. He said it was really scary.”
“I bet it was,” Steve agreed. “But Danno is fine. He’s just outside the gate so you’ll see for yourself in a minute.”
“Steve!” Danny bellowed as he got closer to the gate. “Was she there?”
“Yeah!” Steve replied. “I’ve got her.”
**
Steve looked up as Danny entered his room and leaned against the door. “Is she asleep?”
“Yeah,” he said tiredly. “She finally drifted off a few minutes ago.”
“Are you okay?” Steve asked.
Danny nodded. “I just need about a gallon of water and thirty-six hours of sleep.”
Steve smiled. “I’m sure that can be arranged.”
“Steve...” Danny asked hesitantly. “Would you agree I’m sober now?”
“Mostly,” Steve acknowledged. “Why?”
“I don’t care about complicated,” Danny said, keeping his eyes firmly fixed on the floor. “And I really don’t want to be alone tonight.”
Steve stared at Danny. He was mostly sober but Steve didn’t doubt that his desire for companionship was being influenced by grief. Still, it was one thing to try to give Danny space and it was another to push him away. Steve would never push him away. Wordlessly he scooted over to the far side of the bed and pulled back the covers. Danny’s shoulders relaxed and he entered the room, closing the door behind him.
Danny got into bed, facing away from Steve. Steve turned out the light, and settled back hesitantly putting his arm around Danny. Danny sighed at the touch and took Steve’s hand in his.
“Thank you,” Danny murmured. “for everything.”
Steve moved closer to Danny until he was pressed fully against his back. “Did you mean what you said earlier? About me being family?”
“Yeah,” Danny answered quietly. “And besides, she has no right to question you. I’m the only one allowed to do that.”
Steve chuckled and squeezed Danny’s hand.
“And maybe you should teach Grace something,” Danny continued, rubbing his thumb in circles across the back of Steve’s hand. “Tae Kwon Do or Karate or something. Just not Krav Maga.”
“I can do that,” Steve said. “What changed your mind?”
“Grace is like you,” Danny replied. “I don’t necessarily like that—and before you say anything I’m not trying to insult you. I wish she didn’t have to deal with these things but she does and you get each other in a way I don’t. She needs something right now. I trust your opinion.”
Steve smiled against Danny’s back. “So if I’m going to be teaching her martial arts and softball does that mean you’re going to be staying in Hawaii?”
“Well, who knows how long she’s going to need your post-nightmare tea parties? I certainly can’t deprive her of those,” Danny replied. “Wait a minute. Did you say softball too?”
“Yeah,” Steve answered. “She was throwing rocks into the ocean this morning. Quite an arm. And she swung a bat at me pretty good the other day too.”
Danny laughed. “When did she swing a bat at you?”
“The first night,” Steve replied. “She woke up disoriented and didn’t know who was coming up the stairs.”
“Atta girl,” Danny said proudly. “And I would love it if she took up softball, but since baseball is my sport I think I can teach her that. If she decides she wants to go out for the football team then she’s all yours.”
“Fair enough,” Steve said, his heart swelling at the way Danny was assuming that he would be in the picture for a long time to come. He shifted in the bed and pulled Danny even closer against his chest.
Danny chucked softly and squeezed Steve’s hand. “Babe, I’m not going anywhere.”
Steve didn’t answer, just held on tight.
“Hey,” Danny said pulling Steve’s arm back far enough to turn over in his arms. So that he was facing Steve, looking into his eyes. “I mean it.”
Steve nodded and Danny stretched up to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth before leaning his head against Steve’s chest and closing his eyes. It didn’t take him long to drift off to sleep.
**
When Steve woke up early the next morning his legs were tangled with Danny’s and his left arm was numb from being trapped under Danny all night. Danny had stolen his pillow at some point leaving him with a crick in his neck. And yet Steve didn’t care. He was happier this morning than he had been in years.
He carefully pulled his arm out from under Danny, doing his best not to wake him. He grabbed his cell phone and slipped into the hallway to give Chin a call.
“Did you find anything?” he asked when Chin picked up.
“I was just about to call you,” Chin replied. “The concierge showed up at the station late last night. Apparently you weren’t very subtle when you were looking for him yesterday. The local Yakuza figured out what was going on and thought it would be a good idea to eliminate the problem.”
Steve frowned. “But he’s still alive?”
“Yeah,” Chin answered. “As soon as he heard they’d put the hit out on him he showed up and started spilling everything in exchange for witness protection.”
Steve leaned against the wall. “Everything?”
“Yeah, apparently he was around for some very interesting conversations. Like the one where the hit was put out on Stan.”
“Do we know why?”
Chin sighed. “Apparently Stan started realizing the books didn’t add up at the hotel. He made copies and was going to turn them in to the FBI. Best as we can figure he probably had enough evidence for a pretty good RICO case.”
Steve squeezed the bridge of his nose. “And he didn’t talk to the FBI first? He just took it home with him. Didn’t even try to get a protective detail?”
“It wasn’t very well thought out,” Chin agreed his voice grave. “But the upside is that the concierge is willing to testify in court against several of the lieutenants, including the one who we think actually ordered the hit. And all he wants in exchange is a one way ticket to somewhere in the middle of the fly over states.”
“Sounds like a reasonable exchange,” Steve said the tension of the last few days draining out of him. “No word on the new head?”
“No, whoever it is is keeping a low profile.”
Steve sighed. He hadn’t really expected the new boss to play his hand this early in the game anyway. “Good work, Chin. And thank you for taking care of all of this.”
“No problem, brah,” Chin said. “You had to take care of family.”
“Yeah,” Steve said smiling goofily. “Yeah I did.”
Chin laughed. “Boss, you do realize you aren’t very subtle at all right?”
“Danny’s mentioned it a time or two,” Steve commented.
“I bet he has.”
Steve peeked back into the bedroom and saw that Danny was stirring. “I have to go.”
~NEXT~
Author:
shinysylverPart 1
Danny raised the shot glass to his lips and drained the contents quickly, ignoring the burn. He slammed the empty glass down and gestured at the bartender for another. All he wanted at the moment was to get good and drunk.
He hated that Grace had gone with Debra, but what was he supposed to do? She was Grace’s grandmother and she had every right to spend some time with her on her short trip to Hawaii. He wouldn’t have even minded if it was any other day. But they had just buried Rachel and he wanted Grace with him. Maybe that was selfish, he didn’t know.
Danny sighed. He hated Debra. He really did. She’d had the gall to tell him that he didn’t have any business raising a child, especially a little girl, because he was a man and a cop. She thought she would be a better option, but there was no way he would let her take Grace. Grace would move to England over his dead body.
Everything was getting to be too much. The funeral alone had almost been more than he could stand. If Steve hadn’t shown up—no, he wouldn’t think about Steve. He couldn’t think about Steve. Not now. Not when he’d just buried his wife.
Danny laughed bitterly. He knew that he shouldn’t think of Rachel as his wife. They had just been starting to reconcile but he couldn’t help it. She had been too important to him for too long. So much of his life was devoted to her.
He remembered when he first met her, ten years ago. He’d been a patrol cop then and if she hadn’t literally crashed into him he might still be today. She had graduated from the London School of Economics and worked on Wall Street. He was a beat cop in Weehawken. He had known then that he had to be more for her. She had made him want to be more. And so not long after they started dating he went out for detective and found out that he was damn good at it. And then a few years later she had given him Grace and he had thought his life was complete. He’d had everything he wanted.
But it didn’t last. Everything had fallen apart and they’d ended up here. Danny rubbed roughly at his eyes and downed the next shot of tequila that was placed in front of him.
After the sarin attack, he’d really thought that they could fix things. Maybe it had been naïve, but now he’d never know. He had been so excited about the idea of reunifying his family that he had pushed aside all of his doubts. He had known that the best thing for Grace was to have her parents together. And selfishly it meant that he could have Grace every day.
But no matter how excited he’d been, there had also been doubts. Doubts that he’d tried to ignore. What if it didn’t work? What if she took Grace away again? What if she reconciled with Stan? After all, nothing had really changed since the divorce. They were still the same people they were then. So how could he trust that things would be any different this time? And the worst thing was that despite his undeniable affection for her, Danny hadn’t felt the passion. Always before, their relationship had been full of fire. Whether they were making love or fighting they were never indifferent.
But since they had stopped fighting months ago everything had been lukewarm. Things had been comfortable. Nice even. But was that really enough? Danny was a man full of passion and if he didn’t feel it for the woman he loved…well, what did that mean?
“Another one!” Danny yelled to the bartender.
He didn’t want to think about this. It made him feel guilty. Rachel was dead. He shouldn’t feel guilty about not loving her enough. And he sure as hell wasn’t going to address the fact that as he’d been wheeled into the hospital gasping for breath he had been full of fear for himself, for Grace, and for Steve. In that moment he’d never even thought of Rachel at all.
He threw back the next shot. Why in the hell had he been so damned worried about what Steve would do without him and he hadn’t even thought about Rachel? He knew that he was lashing out at Steve now and that was why. He didn’t want to deal with his confusing emotions about the man because they made him feel somehow responsible for Rachel’s death. Like if he had cared more about her and less about Steve she would have lived.
He knew it was crazy but it was how he felt and it didn’t help that every time he turned around Steve was there. Steve was cooking him breakfast or trying to put Grace’s hair up in a pony tail. Steve was doing all of the things that Rachel was supposed to be doing and Danny just didn’t know how to deal with everything.
He just wished that Steve would leave him alone and give him just a little space. And yet, he couldn’t deny that he was glad Steve had shown up today. Sometimes it scared him how much he relied on Steve—how much he needed Steve.
Danny shook his head. He wasn’t ready to think about this. That was the point of the tequila. To forget. He wanted to forget Rachel’s murder and the fact that at this moment Grace was in a hotel with her grandmother—a woman who had hated him long before the divorce. But most of all he wanted to forget the way he’d leaned into Steve’s touch, the way his body needed to feel him close no matter how much his mind tried to deny it.
Danny waved at the bartender again and asked that he leave the bottle this time.
**
Steve had been all over the city at least three times. He’d searched every place he thought Danny might have gone with no luck. He’d tried his house first (where he’d found the Camaro but no Danny), then Danny’s apartment, then the office and when he hadn’t been at any of those he moved on to all of the parks, bars and restaurants that he knew Danny liked. He had called Meka’s wife and even paid Kamekona a visit but they hadn’t heard from him either. It was clear that Danny didn’t want to be found. But Steve wasn’t the type to give up.
After three hours, he had called Chin and asked him to track Danny’s cell phone only to find out it had been turned off. At that point Steve had taken to aimlessly driving around the city hoping that he would get lucky. He knew he should just go home and wait for Danny to come back but sitting and waiting wasn’t in his nature.
Besides, he couldn’t shake the feeling that Danny needed him tonight. And he had to acknowledge to himself that he needed to see Danny, to know that he was okay. He knew his partner was a strong man, but he’d lost so much recently. Matt’s betrayal and Rachel’s death were enough to break any man but add in whatever was going on with Grace and he was genuinely concerned about Danny’s state of mind.
Always before, Danny had come to Steve when he was upset. When things were going on with Grace or Matt, he’d turned to Steve and Steve had done everything he could to fix it. But this time Steve was in the dark. Danny had been pushing him away with words and actions for days now and every time he thought they were making progress something else would happen. Like today, at the funeral, Danny had accepted comfort from Steve and had seemed glad for his presence, but then he’d dashed out recklessly without so much as a glance afterwards.
Steve pulled into a parking space in front of a twenty-four hour convenience store and scrubbed tiredly at his face. He shouldn’t have left this morning. He’d known that Danny was lashing out the same way Grace was but he’d still let the words get to him. Danny was the only person--other than his sister--who could get under his skin like that.
Steve sighed. He was about to admit defeat when his cell phone rang. “McGarrett.”
“Steve.” He heard Chin’s voice on the other end. “We just intercepted a call to HPD about a drunk and disorderly who matches Danny’s description.”
Once Steve had the location from Chin he pulled out and sped toward the sleazy dive bar on the outskirts of the city and Danny.
When he got there the first thing he saw was a police car, its sirens flashing and two uniformed officers standing next to it. He parked next to the car, grabbed his badge, and headed out to talk to the officers but before he could so much as open his mouth the older of the two turned toward him.
“You must be Commander McGarrett,” he said, looking pointedly at the full dress uniform that Steve had forgotten he was wearing. “We got a call from Officer Kalakaua letting us know you’d be taking our suspect off of our hands.”
Steve made a mental note to get Kono a raise. “Where is he?”
The officer jerked his head toward the backseat of the HPD car and gestured at his partner. “Get him outta there.”
While the younger officer tried to drag an obviously belligerent Danny out of the car, the older officer turned back to Steve. “He never shuts up, does he?”
“No,” Steve replied, shaking his head. “He never does.”
“We heard what happened down at HPD,” the officer told Steve. “‘Bout his wife. Outta respect we didn’t book him so his name’s not in the system. Make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
“Thank you,” Steve said gratefully. For all the times that he’d banged his head against a blue wall he was glad that this one time it was working for him. He really hadn’t been looking forward to calling the Governor to clear Danny’s record.
“Just be glad the guy he punched doesn’t want to press charges,” the younger officer said as he pushed Danny in front of Steve and undid the handcuffs. “He’s all yours.”
“He knew he deserved it,” Danny slurred. He blinked up at Steve. “Whaddya doing here?”
“I came to get your sorry ass,” Steve replied. He grabbed Danny’s arm and half dragged, half carried him to the truck.
“I’m fine,” Danny said, shaking off Steve’s hand and leaning against the side of the truck. “I don’t need you to come out...on your white horse. You don’t even have a horse, Steven. Why don’t you have a horse? That’s not important.”
Steve watched half amused as Danny raised a finger and tried to poke him in the chest. Unfortunately his spatial reasoning was so far off that he poked him on the nose instead. Steve grabbed Danny’s hand before he could try again and maybe take out an eye in the process.
“What’s important,” Danny said, his eyes unfocused. “Is that I am not a princess. I don’t need a knight with shiny medals and fancy hats.”
“Believe me, Danno,” Steve said, shaking his head. “No one is ever going to mistake you for a princess. Now come on, Ariel, let’s get you home.”
Danny let Steve help him into the truck before asking indignantly. “Did you just call me Ariel?”
“No,” Steve lied as he got into the driver’s side.
“Good,” Danny said, “Because I’m not a princess nor a mermaid.”
“Of course not,” Steve said as he pulled out. “Mermaids actually like the water.”
“I like the water!” Danny exclaimed, flailing his hand to the side and hitting it on the window hard enough that he was probably going to be bruised in the morning.
“What were you drinking anyway?” Steve asked, hoping to curtail a rant about the ocean. “I’ve never seen you like this.”
“Tequila,” Danny replied. “Do you have any more?”
“That explains it,” Steve muttered under his breath before raising his voice to address Danny. “No, I don’t have any tequila.”
“Are you lying to me?” Danny asked suspiciously.
“Danno, even if I owned Jose Cuervo you wouldn’t be getting any more tequila tonight.”
“Stop calling me that,” Danny said.
Steve’s heart sank. He thought Danny was okay with the nickname. They’d talked about this months ago. “Danny...”
“Grace calls me that. My precious daughter calls me that. Who are you to call me that?” Danny asked. But he didn’t sound angry or accusing he sounded genuinely confused and almost desperate to understand why Steve called him Danno.
“I’m family,” Steve said firmly. “And no matter how hard you push I’m not going anywhere.”
“Pull over,” Danny demanded.
“What?” Steve asked in confusion.
Danny held a hand up to his mouth. ”I’m going to puke.”
“Oh.” Steve pulled over onto the shoulder and got out to meet Danny on the other side.
Danny was bent over retching. He was barely staying upright so Steve moved around behind him and gently held him up by his shoulders. When he was done, Steve helped him stand back up against the car and got a towel out of the back of the truck to help him clean up and to wipe away his sweat.
“There goes the record,” Danny said, his voice raspy. “Damn it Steve, I’m a mess.”
“You’re fine,” Steve reassured, even though he knew that Danny wasn’t just talking about the puke and the booze. His eyes were shining in the moonlight and he looked absolutely wrecked.
“Don’t patronize me,” Danny said, sounding much more sober than he had in the truck. “My life’s a mess.”
“What happened at the funeral?” Steve asked gently.
Danny dropped his head back against the car door. “Rachel’s mom thinks that a single father has no business raising a little girl. She thinks that Grace would be better off with her in England.”
“And you let her take Grace?” Steve asked, shocked.
“For the weekend,” Danny replied. “She’s her grandmother. Grace should spend time with her. Damn it Steve, of course I didn’t just let her take Grace.”
“Right,” Steve said a bit sheepishly. “We should get you home.”
“And where’s that?” Danny asked bitterly as he climbed back into the truck.
Steve frowned. “Danny, you know you can talk right? If you want to.”
“Talk about what Steve? The fact that the woman I loved is dead? She was going to leave Stan!” Danny punched the dashboard. “One more fucking week and she wouldn’t have even been in that house and neither would Grace. They would have been safe with me! Is that what you want to talk about? Because I’d rather not.”
Steve cut his eyes to Danny and saw that the tears he’d seen earlier had finally spilled over. “Danny...”
“Don’t,” Danny said his voice thick with emotion. “Just don’t talk.”
Steve nodded and returned his eyes to the road.
**
Danny stared out the window of the truck. He couldn’t keep the tears from running down his face but he didn’t fucking care. He could always blame it on the booze later. Besides if you couldn’t cry when your wife was brutally murdered and mother-in-law wanted to take your daughter away when could you cry?
Steve stopped at a red light and turned to stare at him again. He wished that Steve would stop it. He hated the compassion and the worry in his eyes. Steve never was able to keep his emotions out of his eyes and all of the feelings there made Danny uncomfortable.
“No,” Steve said suddenly throwing the truck into park. “I’m not going to just sit here in silence. Talk to me.”
“Now?!” Danny yelled. “In the middle of the road blocking traffic?”
Steve stared at him for a moment, turned to switch on the hazard lights, and then turned back to look at Danny. “They can go around.”
“You are insane,” Danny muttered as hysterical laughter bubbled up to mix with the tears.
“Maybe.” Steve shrugged and then reached out and grasped Danny’s shoulder.
The touch was the last straw and Danny lost what little control he had. He bent over and buried his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking. He had cried that first night but he’d been so busy trying to be strong for Grace that he hadn’t let himself since.
“I know,” Steve murmured, squeezing his shoulder.
Just like at the funeral, Danny couldn’t stop himself from leaning into Steve’s touch. He craved the contact and was just too tired to deny himself the comfort. He felt Steve shifting around and suddenly Steve’s arm wrapped around his shoulders and pulled him close.
Danny didn’t know how long they sat like that, blocking traffic, but after his tears subsided he pulled away. He couldn’t believe he had just broken down like that. He wasn’t an insecure man. He liked to think that he was fairly in tune with his emotions, but he didn’t make a habit of crying, let alone crying in another man’s arms.
He stared out the window and didn’t look at Steve when he resumed driving.
“Is it wrong,” Danny asked quietly as he watched the trees pass by out the window, “that I don’t think I was in love with her anymore? I wanted to be but I wasn’t.”
“How you feel is how you feel,” Steve answered. “It’s not right or wrong.”
“If only it was that easy,” Danny said. “But I was getting back together with her and I wasn’t in love with her. You know that day in the hospital?”
“Yeah,” Steve said.
“Well, until she called Grace, I never once thought of her. I almost died and I didn’t even think of her. I thought of Grace. I was devastated at the idea of missing Grace grow up.” Danny paused. He knew he should stop there but the alcohol was making his tongue loose. “And you.”
“Me?” Steve asked in a strangely vulnerable voice.
Danny turned to look at Steve and saw he was holding the wheel so tightly that his knuckles were white. He wanted to make a glib remark and brush everything away but he couldn’t. A lot of puzzle pieces were falling into place and he was tired of fighting it.
“Yeah,” he said. “I was laying there and all I could think was that if I died there wouldn’t be anyone around to watch your back. And Steve, that is a full time job. Overtime even.”
Danny could see a smile tugging at Steve’s lips but when he spoke he was serious. “I was terrified when I saw you go down... “
Danny’s eyes widened at the emotion in Steve’s voice.
“And then,” Steve continued, “when I realized you had Grace. I knew I had to take care of her.”
Danny’s heart ached. That was the crux of the matter. He had seen the way Steve had taken care of Grace. He’d seen the way he had dropped everything to take care of them and he was still doing it. Even now he was pushing everything aside to take care of them.
Danny leaned forward and covered Steve’s hand with his own. He wasn’t sure what he intended by it but he left his hand there and after a moment, Steve let go of the wheel and turned his hand to clasp Danny’s and squeeze it gently. Danny didn’t know what they were doing but he was done worrying about it. This felt right. More right than anything had in a long time and at the moment that was all that mattered.
When they got to Steve’s house, they sat there silently holding hands for a moment, both looking straight ahead. Danny gently squeezed Steve’s hand before dropping it to get out of the truck. Once he was on his feet, he realized that it was still hard to stay upright and he grabbed onto the truck’s door to steady himself.
“Alright there, Ariel?” Steve teased coming around and taking his arm to help him walk toward the house. “Having trouble finding your land legs?”
“That’s not going to be a thing, is it?” he groaned.
“Well you told me not to call you Danno…”
Danny squeezed Steve’s arm. “Danno’s fine.”
Steve looked down at him with that stupid puppy dog grin that made Danny’s heart swell. “Okay then.”
Danny grinned back at him. He gazed into Steve’s eyes and before he had time to think about it he leaned forward, grabbed Steve behind the neck, and pulled his head down to kiss him. He had obviously taken Steve by surprise and he just stood there, his lips still and his body tense. Danny’s heart dropped at the lack of response and he was about to pull away and blame everything on the tequila when Steve wrapped his arm around Danny’s waist, pulled him closer, and deepened the kiss.
The kiss wasn’t perfect; it was sloppy and slightly awkward because Danny wasn’t used the height difference, but he didn’t care. His heart was racing and he wanted more. He dropped one hand to caress Steve’s back trailing downward until he was cupping Steve’s ass. Steve moaned against his lips at the touch, but pulled away.
“Stop,” Steve said in a shaky voice.
“What?” Danny asked confused. He wanted more, so much more. He tried to pull Steve back down but Steve grabbed his hands and held him at a distance.
“You’re drunk and this is complicated,” Steve explained.
“I’m not that drunk,” Danny tried.
“Your breath could strip paint,” Steve said dryly. “Which is probably a good thing because it’s masking the puke. We can revisit this in the morning. If you want.”
Danny looked at Steve. He could see the insecurity hovering on his face. “Steve, the genie is out of the bottle. I don’t think it’s going back in.”
Steve smiled at him. “Just so you know I am not Barbara Eden.”
“Of course not,” Danny said following Steve into the house. “Pink is really not your color. But feel free to call me master all you want.”
**
Grace waited until her grandmother had left the room before quietly getting out of bed. She silently changed clothes, grabbed the little black purse that her dad had gotten her for the funeral, and left the room. She had to go back to the cemetery to say goodbye. She hadn’t been able to with all of the people there earlier and then her grandmother had taken her away before she could.
Grace knew where the cabs picked up on the corner near the hotel. When she got there she told the driver that she lived near the cemetery--she knew that he wouldn’t take her directly to a cemetery.
“I’m sorry kid but you need to be with an adult,” he told her.
Grace started to cry. “But I want my Mommy.”
“Hey,” the man said uncomfortably. “Don’t cry. Can’t you just call her and tell her to pick you up?”
“No!” Grace wailed she held out a twenty dollar bill from her wallet. “Please just take me to my mom.”
“Okay, kid.” He grabbed the money and opened the door for her. “But just so you can see your mom.”
**
Steve lay in bed staring at the ceiling wishing that sleep would come. He kept replaying the night’s events over and over in his head. That moment that Danny reached up and pulled him in for a kiss had been unexpected. If someone had asked him which of the two of them was more likely to make the first move he would have said himself without a doubt. But maybe it shouldn’t surprise him since Danny’s emotions always ran close to the surface and he often acted on impulse, whether it was a swift punch or a stinging verbal barrage, and dealt with the consequences later.
It was that that worried Steve. Danny acted on impulse—no matter how much he tried to play Steve off as the loose cannon—so what if he regretted it in the morning? He had been teetering on the brink for days now. Did he really want Steve or just want someone? Normally Steve wouldn’t care, his relationships were usually built around convenience, not long term commitment, but this was different. This was Danny.
Steve sighed and rolled over in the bed. It had taken nearly everything he’d had to push Danny away when all he’d wanted to do was drag him upstairs and straight into bed. But he knew that this wasn’t just a casual hook up. It would have consequences and he wanted to make sure that Danny really wanted this before he risked their partnership and friendship.
He must have eventually drifted off because he was startled awake by shouting.
“Steve!”
He bolted upright, and reached for the drawer that held his gun. He saw a shadow in his doorway so he pulled the gun out and pointed it at the door.
“Steve, put the gun down so that I come in and talk to you,” Danny called from the hallway.
Steve hesitated, his blood still pounding in his ears.
“Steve, if you don’t put that gun down right now--”
Steve set it down on the bed next to him. “It’s clear.”
Danny rushed into the room. “Grace is missing. I need you to drive me.”
“What?” Steve asked as he stood up and grabbed a pair of pants off of the floor.
“Debra called,” Danny said running his hands frantically through his hair. “She said that she got up to check on Grace and she wasn’t there. She can’t find her anywhere. And I’m still too drunk to drive. And what if something happened to her? Steve, what if I lose her too?”
“Hey,” Steve said. He walked over and grabbed Danny’s shoulder giving it a little shake. “It’s probably all a misunderstanding. We’ll find her and everything will be okay.”
Danny nodded but Steve could tell that he was teetering on the brink.
“Come on,” Steve said giving Danny a push toward the door.
The drive to the Hilton seemed to take forever. Inside Steve was frantic with worry about Grace but he couldn’t show that to Danny. Danny was barely hanging on as it was, so he put on his game face and focused on the problem at hand.
When they got to the hotel, Debra was waiting for them in the lobby in a dressing gown and slippers.
“Daniel!” She exclaimed when she saw them come in.
She rushed forward towards Danny, but Steve intercepted her. Danny might look mostly sober but he still smelled like a distillery and he didn’t think Debra would take too kindly to that. “Can you tell me what happened.”
She frowned at Steve. “Who are you?”
“I’m his partner,” Steve said placing extra emphasis on the word. “Now tell me what happened.”
“Well,” she said. “I don’t really know. Grace was upset all day. She kept saying that she went to the funeral but she didn’t have time to say goodbye. I finally got her to calm down and go to sleep but she woke up with nightmares around midnight. I tried to comfort her but she kept saying that she wanted someone named Steve.”
“That,” Danny said pointing at Steve, “is Steve. We’ve been staying with him since the murder. She’s been having nightmares every night and he’s the only one she wants to talk to about them which is one of the many things I was trying to tell you at the funeral. But you were so sure that men couldn’t possibly understand little girls and that she needed a woman right now.”
“Now’s not the time,” Steve interrupted. “What happened after the nightmare?”
“She finally seemed to calm down and so I went back to my room. When I got up again about an hour later she was gone.”
“Did she have any money?” Steve asked Debra.
Danny looked at Steve. “What are you thinking?”
“This morning when she didn’t want to go to the funeral, I told her that she needed to go to say goodbye.” Steve replied.
“You think she went back to the cemetery?” Danny asked.
Steve looked hesitantly at Danny. “It’s what I would have done at her age.”
Danny stared intently at him. “Okay, lets go to the cemetery.”
Steve turned and rushed out of the hotel, Danny and Debra hot on his heels. He barely waited until they were both in the car before he turned on the police lights and sped to the cemetery. He was sure that was where she had gone but it was the last place a little girl should be alone at night.
As he took the turns at high speeds, out of the corner of his eyes he could see that Danny was turning very green. “Don’t you get sick on me again.”
“I’m not trying to. It’s not a plan,” Danny snapped as he sat up straighter. He swallowed several times and held his hand over his mouth.
“I’m not going to pull over,” Steve said.
Danny shot him a glare. “You better not pull over.”
“What’s going on?” Debra asked from the backseat. “Daniel have you been drinking?”
“No,” Steve said at the same time that Danny said “yes.”
Steve turned to look at Danny.
Danny turned around in his seat to stare at his former mother-in-law. “Yes Debra. I buried my wife and had my ability as a parent questioned. It was a bad day. So if I went to a bar, well I’m only human.”
“And if Grace were to see you—“
“No,” Steve interrupted. “Danny is a good father. Grace would never see Danny drunk. He would never have even gone out if she was with him instead of you.”
“This is none of your business,” Debra told him icily. “It’s a family matter.”
“You’re right,” Danny said. “And since it obviously didn’t sink in earlier when Grace was asking for her Uncle Steve, Steve is family.”
Despite the situation, Steve felt a warmth spread through him at Danny’s words. After all the times that Danny had questioned his place in their lives. It was all he could do to keep an inappropriate grin off of his face. Damn he had it bad.
The rest of the ride to the cemetery was silent. Once Steve had parked in front of the gate Danny got out and rushed to the bushes to empty his stomach once again.
“Danny?” Steve asked.
“Go!” Danny waved him toward the gate.
The gate was locked and while the bars were spaced far enough apart for a young girl to slip through, Steve wouldn’t fit. Not pausing to think he jumped up, grabbed the bars, and began to pull himself up and over. He flung himself over the top and landed in a crouch on the other side.
He straightened up and took off at a run in the direction of Rachel’s grave, his eyes scanning the area. When he got near the grave he saw a small figure curled up on top of the new earth. Steve slowed to a walk.
“Grace!” he called out softly, not wanting to startle her.
Grace sat up quickly, her head turning around wildly. “Steve?”
“Here.”
Once she saw him she got up and ran to him flinging herself into his arms. “I’m sorry! I had a nightmare again and then Grandma wouldn’t let me call you and then I just wanted to see Mommy and say goodbye so I came here and then I didn’t have enough money to get back.”
“Hey, hey,” he murmured, picking her up and rubbing her back soothingly. “It’s okay. Everything's okay now.”
He turned and started walking back the way he had come carrying her. “So did you dream about the bad men again?”
“No,” she whispered. “I dreamed that Daddy was in the hospital again only this time he was hurt really bad. Like Tommy’s uncle.”
“What happened to Tommy’s uncle?” Steve asked.
“He was in a car accident and he never woke up. Tommy said that he visited him in the hospital and there were tubes everywhere. He said it was really scary.”
“I bet it was,” Steve agreed. “But Danno is fine. He’s just outside the gate so you’ll see for yourself in a minute.”
“Steve!” Danny bellowed as he got closer to the gate. “Was she there?”
“Yeah!” Steve replied. “I’ve got her.”
**
Steve looked up as Danny entered his room and leaned against the door. “Is she asleep?”
“Yeah,” he said tiredly. “She finally drifted off a few minutes ago.”
“Are you okay?” Steve asked.
Danny nodded. “I just need about a gallon of water and thirty-six hours of sleep.”
Steve smiled. “I’m sure that can be arranged.”
“Steve...” Danny asked hesitantly. “Would you agree I’m sober now?”
“Mostly,” Steve acknowledged. “Why?”
“I don’t care about complicated,” Danny said, keeping his eyes firmly fixed on the floor. “And I really don’t want to be alone tonight.”
Steve stared at Danny. He was mostly sober but Steve didn’t doubt that his desire for companionship was being influenced by grief. Still, it was one thing to try to give Danny space and it was another to push him away. Steve would never push him away. Wordlessly he scooted over to the far side of the bed and pulled back the covers. Danny’s shoulders relaxed and he entered the room, closing the door behind him.
Danny got into bed, facing away from Steve. Steve turned out the light, and settled back hesitantly putting his arm around Danny. Danny sighed at the touch and took Steve’s hand in his.
“Thank you,” Danny murmured. “for everything.”
Steve moved closer to Danny until he was pressed fully against his back. “Did you mean what you said earlier? About me being family?”
“Yeah,” Danny answered quietly. “And besides, she has no right to question you. I’m the only one allowed to do that.”
Steve chuckled and squeezed Danny’s hand.
“And maybe you should teach Grace something,” Danny continued, rubbing his thumb in circles across the back of Steve’s hand. “Tae Kwon Do or Karate or something. Just not Krav Maga.”
“I can do that,” Steve said. “What changed your mind?”
“Grace is like you,” Danny replied. “I don’t necessarily like that—and before you say anything I’m not trying to insult you. I wish she didn’t have to deal with these things but she does and you get each other in a way I don’t. She needs something right now. I trust your opinion.”
Steve smiled against Danny’s back. “So if I’m going to be teaching her martial arts and softball does that mean you’re going to be staying in Hawaii?”
“Well, who knows how long she’s going to need your post-nightmare tea parties? I certainly can’t deprive her of those,” Danny replied. “Wait a minute. Did you say softball too?”
“Yeah,” Steve answered. “She was throwing rocks into the ocean this morning. Quite an arm. And she swung a bat at me pretty good the other day too.”
Danny laughed. “When did she swing a bat at you?”
“The first night,” Steve replied. “She woke up disoriented and didn’t know who was coming up the stairs.”
“Atta girl,” Danny said proudly. “And I would love it if she took up softball, but since baseball is my sport I think I can teach her that. If she decides she wants to go out for the football team then she’s all yours.”
“Fair enough,” Steve said, his heart swelling at the way Danny was assuming that he would be in the picture for a long time to come. He shifted in the bed and pulled Danny even closer against his chest.
Danny chucked softly and squeezed Steve’s hand. “Babe, I’m not going anywhere.”
Steve didn’t answer, just held on tight.
“Hey,” Danny said pulling Steve’s arm back far enough to turn over in his arms. So that he was facing Steve, looking into his eyes. “I mean it.”
Steve nodded and Danny stretched up to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth before leaning his head against Steve’s chest and closing his eyes. It didn’t take him long to drift off to sleep.
**
When Steve woke up early the next morning his legs were tangled with Danny’s and his left arm was numb from being trapped under Danny all night. Danny had stolen his pillow at some point leaving him with a crick in his neck. And yet Steve didn’t care. He was happier this morning than he had been in years.
He carefully pulled his arm out from under Danny, doing his best not to wake him. He grabbed his cell phone and slipped into the hallway to give Chin a call.
“Did you find anything?” he asked when Chin picked up.
“I was just about to call you,” Chin replied. “The concierge showed up at the station late last night. Apparently you weren’t very subtle when you were looking for him yesterday. The local Yakuza figured out what was going on and thought it would be a good idea to eliminate the problem.”
Steve frowned. “But he’s still alive?”
“Yeah,” Chin answered. “As soon as he heard they’d put the hit out on him he showed up and started spilling everything in exchange for witness protection.”
Steve leaned against the wall. “Everything?”
“Yeah, apparently he was around for some very interesting conversations. Like the one where the hit was put out on Stan.”
“Do we know why?”
Chin sighed. “Apparently Stan started realizing the books didn’t add up at the hotel. He made copies and was going to turn them in to the FBI. Best as we can figure he probably had enough evidence for a pretty good RICO case.”
Steve squeezed the bridge of his nose. “And he didn’t talk to the FBI first? He just took it home with him. Didn’t even try to get a protective detail?”
“It wasn’t very well thought out,” Chin agreed his voice grave. “But the upside is that the concierge is willing to testify in court against several of the lieutenants, including the one who we think actually ordered the hit. And all he wants in exchange is a one way ticket to somewhere in the middle of the fly over states.”
“Sounds like a reasonable exchange,” Steve said the tension of the last few days draining out of him. “No word on the new head?”
“No, whoever it is is keeping a low profile.”
Steve sighed. He hadn’t really expected the new boss to play his hand this early in the game anyway. “Good work, Chin. And thank you for taking care of all of this.”
“No problem, brah,” Chin said. “You had to take care of family.”
“Yeah,” Steve said smiling goofily. “Yeah I did.”
Chin laughed. “Boss, you do realize you aren’t very subtle at all right?”
“Danny’s mentioned it a time or two,” Steve commented.
“I bet he has.”
Steve peeked back into the bedroom and saw that Danny was stirring. “I have to go.”
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-08-21 04:16 am (UTC)The mix of everything from the finding Grace to asserting Steve's status as family and showing that guys really can raise a little lady was perfect.
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Date: 2011-08-21 05:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-22 12:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-22 02:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-22 02:06 am (UTC)And I like that Danny realizes that Grace is leaning on Steve because Steve understands what it is to lose your mother.
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Date: 2011-08-22 02:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-22 06:49 pm (UTC)It is so wonderfully written, it really touches me.
Before I go to bed I have to read as much from part III as I can.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-22 06:51 pm (UTC)