Staring Into the Abyss

I’ve been thinking about Hell’s Angel a lot and especially the Amara moment at the end of the episode.

Specifically that moment where Dean said “Cas” and she stopped to look at him and then changed course.

Firstly, I think she saw something in Dean in that moment that she had never experienced before–true friendship and unselfish caring. At the beginning of the episode she talked about how Crowley used her and then Rowena’s offer of friendship was two-faced. Amara has never experienced a relationship with anyone who wasn’t trying to use her and then there in that moment she saw it in Dean and his concern for Cas.

I also think she saw that concern and decided not to cause Dean more pain by torturing Lucifer in front of him. She does care about Dean on some twisted and selfish and broken level and because of that she took Lucifer out of Dean’s sight before having her “talk.”

The thing about Amara is that she is still very young and naive in a lot of ways despite her age and vast power. She’s never had anyone show her how to care about someone. Maybe she needs to pay a bit more attention to Dean beyond her desire for him. She could learn a few things about family and friendship.

Date watched: Saturday, September 19
Episode: 2.10 Hunted, 2.11 Playthings, 2.12 Nightshifter, 2.13 Houses of the Holy

Hunted finally gives us the emotional confrontation between Sam and Dean about John’s dying words. Unsurprisingly the fight that follows leads to our seasonal brotherly split up as Sam leaves Dean behind—despite Dean literally begging Sam for time. At least this split lasts less than an episode.

This episode returns to the Azazel plot and introduces us to Ava who is so likable in this episode. Such a shame. It also brought back Ellen, Ash, and the dark hunter Gordon.

The scene with Dean and Ellen on the phone made me realize how similar their characters are. They tend to clash a bit which must have distracted me from it, but their obsessive protective instincts when it comes to their family is nearly identical right down to the way it strains their relationships. Also they are both pretty badass.

I could do without Gordon, but even so it really does make sense that some hunters would be hunting the special kids and he’s definitely the sort that would be all over that. Gordon also represents the extreme that Dean could become without Sam’s ameliorating influence. Mostly I was just pleased to see him arrested though.

Playthings takes a break from the main plot to give us a strong standalone haunted house episode. It has all the elements for a creepy story—old hotel, little girls, lots of dolls and doll houses, etc.—and manages to pull of a nice twist or two.

The episode doesn’t completely leave the main arc behind though. We see Sam struggling with who he is and what he’ll become (the drunk scene was…special). He even goes so far as to force a promise from Dean that Dean will kill him if he goes darkside which completely tears Dean up.

The episode’s plot allowed Sam to be the hero multiple times and help restore some of his confidence—but not all of it and there’s a long road to go.

Nightshifter returns to the shapeshifter/Dean wanted by the cops storyline and introduces Victor Henriksen into the mix. Perhaps the most interesting aspect of the episode for me, though, is the discussion it brings up about whether its better—or safer—to know the truth about the supernatural.

Sam tries to dissuade Ronald from his conspiracy theories and his search for the truth by harshly putting down his ideas. He hopes that by shutting him down he won’t keep looking. Dean isn’t sure he agrees with that choice and it does come back to hurt them and get Ronald killed later because Ronald’s increasing desperation and alienation lead him to bad choices and the wrong place at he wrong time.

The question is: is it safer to be ignorant of the supernatural or to have real information?

Houses of the Holy is a very well written episode that brings up open ended questions about faith and religious belief which are continual threads for the show. It’s also an interesting episode to watch knowing what happens later in the series. The “Angel” in this episode may have been false but it does mark the show’s first serious discussion of Angels.

It’s always interesting to me the way Dean rejects faith and refuses to believe in Angels without absolute proof—even when he’s staring at Castiel it takes a while—meanwhile Sam is always reaching out to faith and wanting to believe. That contrast is even more interesting when you consider that Dean was created to be Heaven’s tool and Sam Hell’s.

Dean’s belief in free will is already well established. He doesn’t believe you can punish someone before they commit the crime. He doesn’t believe in faith as absolution for your own actions. He’s solid and sure…righteous even.

Of course on a lighter note I couldn’t help but giggle a bit at Dean’s rejections of all things angelic because little does he know his best friend in the world will be an Angel.

Random thoughts:

-White Rabbit in the opening scene of Hunted is another great musical moment. In fact all the episodes today had great musical moments in them. Knocking on Heaven’s Door in Houses of the Holy was particularly appropriate.
-LMAO at the Sponge Bob placemat instead of an alter cloth for a ritual in Houses for the Holy.
-I thought it was interesting to see the more peaceful approach to laying the ghost to rest in Houses of the Holy with the priest.

Date watched: Thursday, July 30
Episode: 2.07 The Usual Suspects & 2.08 Crossroad Blues

The Usual Suspects deals more with the fall out of Sam and Dean’s criminal behavior—both their actual criminal behavior like credit card fraud and grave desecration and also the murders that the shapeshifter framed Dean for in season one. Episodes dealing with law enforcement trying to stop the Winchesters are never my favorite although if the show didn’t cover that fertile storyline I’d be upset.

To me the most interesting part of this episode (other than the humor) is the death omen. I wish the show delved more deeply into the non-vengeful spirits.

Crossroad Blues is an extremely important episode for the show’s mythology. It introduces both crossroads demons and hellhounds which are central to various plots later in the show and it also delves deeper into the complex morality of demon bargains.

This is another situation where Dean is hyper-personalizing the case because it is too similar to the situation with his father. He’s smack dab in the middle of the anger part of grieving and is so very angry that his father made the deal for his life because now he has to live knowing that his father is in hell because of him.

Speaking of, this episode is also our first hint about what John is going through down in hell. Having seen the later apocalypse arc it makes me read more into what the demon tells Dean than the writers may have intended. I’m not sure how early they had the ideas about the Righteous Man and the first seal, but I can’t watch this episode without thinking about that now. It makes me wonder if the demon actually had the power to resurrect John and give Dean ten years like she offered. If so, does that mean hell would be content to postpone the apocalypse for ten years until Dean’s time was up?

Random Thoughts:

-When Evan’s wife did the creepy horror mutation I actually jumped which is saying something considering how many times I’ve seen this episode. They definitely had some creepy visuals and managed to build up the tension.

-I still want to know why crossroads demons have red eyes instead of the more traditional black. By the same token I'd love to know for sure why Azazel has yellow eyes and Lilith has white.

Date watched: Tuesday, July 28
Episode: 2.04 Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things

Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things digs deeper into the effect their father’s death had on Dean. The ep focuses on Sam trying talk to Dean about it.

Sam means well and is right that Dean isn’t dealing well with their dad’s death, but he’s really bad at approaching these things with Dean. It certainly doesn’t help that he dismisses Dean’s hunting instincts as him projecting. Dean’s hunting skills are the thing he values most about himself—one of the only things he actually values because of his epic self-worth issues. Lucky for them the plot of the episode forces Dean to face some things.

When Dean confronts the zombie with an impassioned “what’s dead should stay dead” my first instinct is to call him a hypocrite, after all I’m coming at this after 10 seasons of none of them staying dead. However, I need to check that at the door, because in the context of this episode its heartbreaking. When he tells that to the zombie he’s really directing it at himself. He knows that his father died so that he would live and it’s eating him up inside. It’s affecting him so much that he actually talks to Sam about it and expresses his belief that he should have been the one to die. His guilt is epic and it absolutely plays into his decision to make the crossroads deal later. After all, Dean sees his entire life from this point on as ill gotten gains.

Watching this episode got me thinking about zombies and what makes them come back wrong. The zombie in this ep is obviously still intelligent and emotionally savvy enough to manipulate others. It makes me wonder if they come back without a soul and that accounts for their wrongness. Like is the soul still in the afterlife but the body is animated similar to Soulless!Sam? Add to that a traumatic death and rebirth, being forced to stay secluded, super powers, invulnerability, and no real motivation to try to blend in like Sam had and you get selfish actions and general disregard for human life without the filter of a soul. She just did whatever she wanted and she wanted revenge. Does that sound plausible? Of course that theory doesn’t necessarily apply to future zombie situations on the show, but the situations aren’t always consistent anyway. I’ll have to pay attention to the other eps and see.

Random Thoughts:

-Lmao at Sam sitting on the edge of the bed watching Casa Erotica. He’s so adorably guilty as he hurriedly turns the porn off when Dean comes in.

-“Our lives are weird, man.” - Sam, truer words were never spoken.

-Jensen Ackles is truly the king of the single man tear. How does he cry so pretty?

Date watched: Monday, July 14
Episode: 2.02 Everybody Loves a Clown

The episode title is Everybody Loves a Clown, but it lies. I don’t love clowns. Nothing good can come of clowns especially in a horror show. The episode opens at the carnival and what I really want to know is what kind of kid would actually be into that creepy, pervy looking clown? And isn’t she a bit old to think him showing up randomly is cool and not terrifying?

I mentioned it before, but I’d like to stress how happy Sam’s fear of clowns makes me. I love how normal it is for a character who’s experienced what he has. Also, its a great set up for the clown chair which kills me every time.

Anyway, more importantly our heroes are dealing with the death of their father in this episode and I love the way the rebuilding of Baby shows the passage of time and is also therapy of a sort for Dean. We all know that car is part of the family and was a gift to him from his dad so fixing (and then taking his anger out on it) is his way of dealing. It’s not necessarily healthy, but it’s very Dean.

Seriously, when he takes the crowbar to Baby it hurts so much because we know how much he loves that car and his anger and grief and guilt are just too much for him to hold in. I wish I could hug him.

Dean’s grief also manifests in the decision not to try to pursue a meaningless hook up. I like the quiet sadness in that scene with Jo. Of course Dean does sad well as the appearance of Jensen Ackle’s practically trademarked single man tear of pain in this episode demonstrates. I don’t know of any actor better at that than him.

Sam on the other hand grieves by trying to be the son he thinks his dad wanted him to be. For the first time in his life he is trying to do what his father would want and it’s such a realistic reaction for someone who’s last moments with his father were spent fighting.

The other major thing of note in this episode is the introduction of the Roadhouse and the associated characters. I remember the first time I saw this ep I found the Roadhouse as an idea and the new characters to be disconcerting because I liked the show to be focused in on Sam and Dean against the world, but they grew on me and now I miss everyone. I don’t think it was all me though. I think it took a few eps for the writers to figure out what to do with the new characters. Jo in particular is much better when they drop the romantic vibes with Dean (snark with Dean is good though!)

Finally I have to say that I love the way Ash breaks stereotypes. Drunken mullet dude is not usually the genius character.

Phew, a lot happened for an ep that is ostensibly just a mystery of the week. That was a marathon episode reaction.

Date watched: Sunday, July 12
Episode: 1.19 Provenance, 1.20 Dead Man’s Blood, 1.21 Salvation, 1.22 Devil’s Trap

Provenance is another creepy ghost story, this time dealing with a painting that I can not understand why anyone would want to buy even for charity. None-the-less it works as a horror movie story and the character of Sarah Blake was well done. I particularly loved that she was strong willed and didn’t allow Sam to make decisions for her. She even called him on it. It’s too bad they didn’t follow up on her character until the episode where they killed her off. *sigh*

Sam’s right, Dean’s obsession with getting Sam to hook up is kinda weird, but we know it comes from an emotionally constipated place of concern. I was glad they managed to have a real conversation about Jess, but Dean needs to realize that Sam is never going to be as casual about women as Dean currently is.

Random thoughts on Provenance:
-They probably should have broken out the suits for the art auction…they stick out like sore thumbs.
-The disco hotel room was awesome. I’ve loved all the weird themed hotel rooms they’ve come up with over the years.
-Sam was on a roll in this episode with some great lines. Best quotes:

“This isn’t the first grave we’ve dug. Still think I’m a catch?”
“What kind of house doesn’t have salt? Low sodium freaks.”

Why hello there Colt. Dead Man’s Blood is the episode that first introduces it to the mythology. That said, the part of the episode that stands out most to me is Dean’s attempts to hold his family together and be peacemaker while Sam and John fight. The relationship dynamics between the three of them feels authentic and I love the fact that Sam is described as being most like his father, hence the head butting.

That being said…is it bad that I kinda look forward to John dying? I’m really not fond of his character and I’m not exactly rational about it.

This episode is also our first introduction to vampires. The fact that hunters thought they were extinct means the vampires must have been super discreet because we run into a lot more of them over the course of the show. I’m also not sure how much some of the lore in this episode carries over. Is the whole mating for life thing ever brought up again?

Salvation is the first time we get a Road So Far with Carry on My Wayward Son and that always brings out the feels. The episode is part one of the season finale so it brings back all the big players. Meg, Azazel, and John all have significant roles.

Personally my favorite part of the episode is seeing the character growth in Dean. He stands up to his father—which John isn’t fond of commenting on the “new tone of yours”—and he also expresses his emotions more clearly to Sam. He actually almost breaks down after Sam gets recklessly hyper focused on revenge and talks about how he has trouble holding everything together and how his family is all he has. My heart.

I also enjoy seeing Sam thank Dean for being the one person who’s always had his back. For a show that claimed “no chick flick moments” this episode got pretty emotional.

Devil’s Trap is the season finale for season one and of course it ends on a cliff hanger. I really hate it when tv car accidents come in from the side with no warning.

Anyway, moving on. This episode is super notable because it’s Bobby’s first episode! Gotta love that.

This is also the first episode where I really see Dean as the Righteous Man. His insistence that they have to exorcise the Meg even if the human dies because its setting her free and that’s the right thing to do. Its surprising to me that Sam and Bobby didn’t see it that clearly.

How sad is it that Dean figures out his father is possessed because he was too nice to Dean? And then the demon exposes all of Dean’s insecurities about his role in his family. Breaks my heart. It also breaks my heart that time and time again Dean suffers at the hands of possessed/brainwashed people that he loves. And yet, it says something that time after time it is their love for him that pulls them back from the edge.

Gotta love that at the end Sam followed Dean’s lead and chose family over revenge, actually looking into the rearview mirror at Dean when he tells their father that some things are more important. Of course then the truck hit them.

Date watched: Saturday, June 27
Episode: 1.14 Nightmare, 1.15 The Benders, 1.16 Shadow, 1.17 Hell House

Nightmare is extremely important to the overarching plot. It delves more into Sam’s mysterious powers and also introduces us to another one of the chosen kids who has powers and a history with Azazel.

For me personally, what stands out most about this episode is the way Dean tries so hard to put on a brave confident face despite his clear concern about what’s happening to Sam (Jensen does a great job acting here). Dean’s assertion that he’s the thing that Sam has that Max didn’t is actually extremely true. I know that Dean is mostly just trying to reassure Sam, but their brotherly bond and deep concern for each other really is what keeps Sam stable unlike the other chosen kids.

The other thing that this episode really starts to emphasize is the different way Sam and Dean approach hunting. Dean sees things in very clear cut black and white ways which usually leads him to push for killing the monster or in this case the supernaturally enhanced human. Sam on the other hand tries to see the humanity in all the monsters whether they are human or not—largely because he relates and is afraid he’s a monster now. It’s a conflict that recurs on a regular basis.

In every science fiction and fantasy show similar to Supernatural there comes a moment when they have an episode that strips the genre conceits away. For Supernatural that is The Benders an episode without any supernatural elements at all that shows that you don’t have to be inhuman to be a monster.

The episode is mostly a stand alone but it does have some nice character moments. I appreciate seeing Dean clearly articulate the responsibility he feels to keep Sam safe. He tells the deputy sheriff (who by the way was a pretty awesome character herself) that he’s felt that way ever since they were children.

Shadow is another plot heavy episode. Meg returns and reveals herself as a major villain. Her plan to draw John Winchester out by using Sam and Dean works and the audience gets to see the family reunion that the whole season has been building to. The episode also attempts to show that it is too dangerous for the whole family to hunt together, therefore explaining why their Dad keeps his distance.

One of the interesting things about this episode is that our heroes don’t win. Meg and her pet demons keep them on the run and surviving is as good as they manage. I enjoy the occasional episode like this because it really ups the stakes.

This episode also breaks my heart when Dean tries to explain to Sam that he just wants their family back together again. That’s all he wants unlike Sam who has perfectly reasonable goals like school and a career.

Hell House is a really good example of a good stand alone episode from the early part of the series. It has the right balance of humor and horror to really showcase the strengths of the show. The prank war between Sam and Dean is so much fun and the Tulpa is an interesting creature. It’s an all around good episode.

Random thoughts:
-Nightmare is the episode with the infamous priest outfits that end up in all the clip shows and fanvids.
-In Nightmare, Sam actually takes a moment to appreciate his father which is quite a character moment for him. Of course realizing that his father wasn’t as bad as a violent, drunk, child beater isn’t really saying a whole lot.
-In so many episodes Dean practically crams food into his mouth. It’s amazing that Jensen doesn’t make himself sick considering how many takes he probably has.
-The Torchwood episode Countrycide is extremely similar to The Benders, but I will point out that The Benders aired months earlier.
-It’s fun to see all the costumes our boys wear this season. They mostly just stick with feds in later seasons.
-In Shadow, Dean must have magically connected those blood dots because it looked nothing like the symbol he supposedly saw in it.
-Hell House introduced us to the Ghost Facers (under a different name) for the first time and its bizarre to think about how often they’ve recurred since then. Unless I’m mistaken they’re still out there alive somewhere ready to pop up again.

Date watched: Wednesday, June 17
Episode: 1.08 Bugs

Ahhh, Bugs. The episode even the creator disliked enough to call out as bad in canon. There really isn’t much of anything to recommend this episode. Retreading the completely overused and somewhat offensive Native American burial ground story is bad enough, but the episode also does it clumsily. On a personal note I really hate spiders so this is not a good ep for me.

The story does highlight Sam and Dean’s different perspectives on their father which is a recurring theme long past this episode. It’s painful to watch Dean defend his dad so blindly at this point in the series. I appreciate when he eventually lets go of the “good little soldier” mentality and sees things with more nuance and acknowledges how some of these things have affected him negatively.

Over all the less said about this episode the better, however I do think its important to note how adorable Dean is with his head wrapped in a towel as if he has more than an inch of hair.

Date watched: Thursday, June 11th
Episodes: 1.04 Phantom Traveler

This episode is the first to introduce demons (other than Azazel) and it's interesting to see the early take on them. The black smoke in particular looks very different than it does later in the series.

I think my favorite part of this episode is Dean’s fear of flying. I love that it's such a mundane fear for someone who has experienced everything he has. (By that same token I love Sam's fear of clowns.) It's also hilarious watching Dean when he's irrationally scared which makes me look forward to Yellow Fever.

While watching the episode I couldn't help but reflect on what their life is like on the road. Sam and Dean are always together in the same car and the same hotel room while working the same job. No wonder they end up fighting and briefly splitting up pretty much every year. That much nonstop time with one person, no matter how much you like them, has to drive a person up the wall and they need some privacy sometimes. It makes me even more grateful that they have the bunker now and rooms that they can call their own.

Other random thoughts:

Best line: “Why do you think I drive everywhere Sam!”

Dean trying to get Sam to talk about his nightmares and stuff is such a do what I say not as I do moment.

Wow! This is when homeland security was new. (Dean pointed it out when he forged the IDs)

First time in suits! Dean is so miserable and adorable.

So last night mom and I decided to start a massive Supernatural rewatch. It's been a couple of years since our last one and we were getting that itch. It helps that we enjoyed season 10 a lot more than season 9.

Anyway, I figured I should actually try to make a habit to use my livejournal again and what better way than by keeping track of the rewatch via episode reactions? Here goes:

Date watched: Monday, June 8th

Episodes: 1.01 Pilot and 1.02 Wendigo

The biggest impression these first two episodes give me is that the boys are so young I mean that both in appearance because it was ten years ago and also just in their attitude toward life. After watching recent seasons it’s strange to see Dean when he isn’t bitter, broken, and closed off. It’s also jarring to see him be the womanizer again after years of near celibacy in later seasons.

The cases for these episodes are not my favorite, but it’s fun seeing Sam and Dean reestablish their relationship. They really do have a big brother-little brother dynamic right out of the gate that feels entirely believable.

There is something very comforting to me about this show which is probably weird considering the content. But with the heavy metal music blasting and the Impala’s engine roaring I feel like I'm coming home.